Couples Therapy • Relationship Issues
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re experiencing some challenges in your relationship. You may be feeling distant from your partner. You could be fighting and feeling angry or sad. You might be wondering whether you actually belong together anymore. One of you might have had an affair. Or perhaps you feel that you love your partner, but just not “in-love” with them anymore. These are all very common occurrences that can happen in a long-term relationship.
Whatever the issue is in your particular scenario, one thing is for sure: You want relief from your suffering. You want to feel loved and cared for. You want to be respected again. But how do you get there from here? You need support, guidance and, perhaps a fresh perspective. I offer Marriage Counseling (Couples Therapy) to answer your questions and support you in finding solutions.
Relationships have changed dramatically over the past few decades. We are wanting deeper, more fulfilling relationships than we expected in the past. We are looking not just for pulling our resources together and raising children, but also for passion, deep connection and spiritual partnership. We want our partners to support us in being our best selves. So many of us fantasize about intimacy and passion and have no clue as to how to create it.
When we come into therapy, we may think we know what the issue is. We may believe that fault lies with our partner and if they would just stop doing whatever they are doing that is causing the problem, then everything would be fine. It just seems so simple. But it rarely is and the issue is seldom what we think it is. The first important principle of Couples Therapy is to understand that each person needs to be willing to take personal responsibility for what they are bringing to the relationship. In Marriage Counseling, it is so seductive to look outside of ourselves and blame our partner. When what really needs to happen is for us to take a good look within ourselves and get curious about our process and our contribution to the situation.
If you are still reading after I explained the “personal responsibility” part, there is hope for you. People are usually in a lot of pain when they come in. A relationship dynamic may have been going on for many years with a lot of resentment built up. The fastest way to move through this pain is to be willing to look at ourselves and wonder: “What can I heal within myself that would lead to my relationship having a better chance of thriving? How can I show up differently? What are the triggers in my relationship that really get me to react? Why do I react to strongly? What can I possibly learn about myself from what comes up in my relationship?”
The truth is that deep intimate relationships are where all our wounds come up. The good news in that we have a chance to heal those early imprints and grow closer to our partner in the process. That is, if we are willing to let go of blaming and start getting curious about what’s really going on. When we approach an issue from a different perspective…where the perceived problem can serve as a catalyst to more intimacy and greater depth within your relationship, then you are empowering yourself to create from a place of love rather than fear. In Couples Therapy/Marriage Counseling, this is what we focus on.
This is a whole new way of being in relationship that requires an openness to the process and a willingness to be vulnerable. This vulnerability and openhearted way is where all the juiciness is. If this empowering way of understanding relationships has piqued your interest, give me a call to schedule an appointment at 541-410-5343. I also specialize in online therapy and holistic/spiritual therapy